The last few days have had unpredictable weather. The wind hasn’t let go and it’s gotten quite cold at night, not ideal mountain weather with the high tops being cloudy. I know the weather isn’t so bad that you can’t hike up but I am relying more on forecasts more than I should.

I feel lonely. Bonding with many people briefly and things not aligning with those that I want to bond with deeper. I have in my longing for compassion over and under extended myself, filling myself sometimes with regret and others with wishful thinking. I feel ashamed, rejected and admired all at once. I can feel the rollercoaster of emotions nudging me of the balanced centre I try to stay on

I still meet fantastic people everyday and learn a lot but the lens through which I look back, more often than not is the one of loneliness. In many ways my travel seems like the place which would give much more with a partner to share the adventures with.

This personal emotional turmoil doesn’t take away from the experiences I am having every day. Coming across characters like Oscar, who loves playing chess everyday out on the street no matter who cold it is. He comes to play chess straight after his 12 hour work shift and eats yoghurt for dinner as that’s all he can afford. Or Franciscus who is making a living by selling hand made jewellery and having worked mostly as a street performer before. With a unicycle and a tiny bed in his car, he now travels around Argentina living on his own terms.

You really understand the definition of being fulfilled by meeting such people. There are many stressing about the mortgage of the summer house they can’t afford and there are those who are content with much less. Neither of them are happy all the time mind you, they face their own demons in ways that they have found to fight them but it does make you realise there are more ways to be content than the way you know.

In this journey of self reflection there is a lot more work to be done but as I proceed a day at a time, sometimes restless and sometimes content I am more in touch with my inner compass. It gets clearer to me every day that which I need to prioritise in my life and the decisions I make primarily because they are comfortable.

The demons fight within me as I write this up at night restless with emotions. I don’t have to referee this fight of emotions within me, it just has to pause for a night full of sleep and continue the battle tomorrow. The war is long and this is but one battle.